If you ask me, I might tell you. But I just dont know where to begin. Thats why I never look you up when things happen. My mind is filled with images, illusions and an ocean filled with words. I can hide it with a smile, but it never lasts long. I can never hide my emotions, neither can i describe how I'm feeling. Maybe i could hold your hand and transmit how i feel to you, then maybe you will understand. Have you ever imagined yourself being hung on by a noose around your neck? Can your weight pulling your body down and the noose cutting into your flesh, covering your chest and shoulders with blood? Swinging lifelessly in a prison cell, as the pain gets more intense. You shed tears of hurt and not pain. you could just shoot yourself in the head to end it all. But you chose the noose. why? cos you love the pain. You hope that the pain will help to release all your angst and hurt that keeps banging against your ribcage, longing to be released. You laugh to yourself as the pressure rushes to your head. Think you look ugly? Yes you do. Fucking ugly..
I'm bleeding. slashedthe wounds open again. This only happens when the people i truly love hurtme. Is there something wrong with me? I don't know. Escapismfrom the pain through the presence of blood. Don't try to take the blade away from me. It feels good against my skin. Slicing through my flesh..Escapism. I don't know what else to do.
Jumping seems like the only answer right now. Whats wrong with me? There is always something wrong with me. I have faults that I can never correct. No matter what I do, I'll never be the perfect person that you want me to be. You make your requests sound so simple, but yet I find it hard to do. I wish I was alone in this world where I dont have to answer to anyone. I know you mean well, but I cant seem to compromise.
I dont want to hurt you anymore. I just want to leave. Please let me go. I know that I will miss you if I walk out the door, because I love you. But I dont want to cause you more pain. I rather destroy myself then to make you cry.
In this world, all I can ever wish for is the day that I can do things to make you smile and not shed tears ofpain. I appreciate you and I will always greet you every morning with a cheery voice in hope that I will get the same reaction in return. Now I know that eventhough you maybe smiling at me, your heart is bleeding inside. Let me go.. it will be better for all of us this way.
If I can never be the daughter that you want, there is no use keeping me here.
I am a fatbulous girl who embraces every chance i get to pamper myself. I love great food, well done pedicures, relaxing spas and a good day out on the water with my trusty wakeboard!
